As of Sept. 9, Katie Distefano had lived in Morrison Hall since July, but she still hadn’t unpacked. Dirty and clean clothes littered the floor in heaps. Her friend Linnea Howe offered to help, but Distefano felt too much shame. Distefano knew Howe wouldn’t judge, but she feared coming to terms with her problem.

Her problem was bigger than her room: her mom has cancer. Non-Hodgkin’s mantle cell lymphoma.

Distefano, a UNC-Chapel Hill senior, now has to navigate both her senior responsibilities and her mom’s cancer.

Few family help, leaving Distefano overwhelmed. She feels unable to clean dishes. She feels unable to buy groceries. She feels unable to wash clothes.

People in her campus ministry, Wesley, want to help. Wesley’s mission is to “Love God, Love Others, Change the World,” which they do through education, serving others and fellowship. Wesley intern Julia Riley set up a spreadsheet for people to sign up to complete the tasks Distefano struggled to do.

They support her outside of the spreadsheet too. On that Sept. 9 night, Distefano sat with her friend Sarah Letchworth in the Loft, Wesley’s space, explaining the state of her room and problems.

“We’ll go fix it now,” Letchworth said.

“No, it’s too much of a mess and it’s midnight,” Distefano said, laughing.

“No, we’re gonna go do it now,” Letchworth said.

And off they went to the other side of campus to clean Distefano’s room.

“That moment really stuck out as the boldest of the bold,” Distefano said later, wearing her mission trip shirt, having just come from worship. “It was literally midnight and I was making excuses, but she chose to spend her Monday cleaning when there were a million other things she could do.”

When Distefano worried they still had a lot to clean after doing so much, Letchworth comforted her. “Look at how much we’ve done,” Letchworth said. “I’ve cleaned worse.”

When they finished, Distefano sighed. Letchworth knew Distefano felt glad she had one less worry. Letchworth wanted to help knowing Distefano helps others and would do the same for her.

At 2 a.m. with another Wesley friend, McRae Scott, they drove to Cook Out where Distefano ordered a tray with a double burger, chicken nuggets, white cheddar cheese bites and a caramel fudge milkshake.

People in Wesley give Distefano stability, a home. Growing up, Distefano sensed inconsistencies. She grew up in poverty. Her mother made empty promises, claiming things would improve.

But when she comes to Wesley, she knows things will be different. She knows they’ll meet her wherever she is.

She’s not afraid of saying “I love you” like some people, but of saying “I need help.” Yet, in front of everyone at worship, she said those words.

And everyone asked what they could do.

Ryan Spurrier, Wesley’s campus minister, wants Distefano to take care of herself. He believes God wants all life to flourish, and wants Distefano to love herself well.

Distefano loves herself by going to places and people she knows support her. She knows she can go to the Loft and eat her weight in M&Ms. She can count all the Loft’s rooms where she’s had breakdowns. She vents to Wesley students and staff.

Distefano gives back, too.

“It’s important for me to live into my faith where I do things that, let’s be honest, I don’t want to do. Yesterday, I drove Chloe to the Outdoor Education Center at five in the morning. I drove Delaney and her friends to Jordan Lake. I spent two hours.”

She does these things because that’s what God calls Christians to do: to love extravagantly.

Because of how much Wesley means to Distefano, she helps improve it despite her busyness.

Dawson Lane, a Wesley friend and fellow executive team member, has noticed how hard she works to protect a place that’s been her refuge.
He’s proud of how well she’s handling her situation. “It’s so weird to see someone you know have this incredible weight on them but wear it like a backpack,” Lane said. “It should be weighing you down, but you’re so used to it.”

Wesley gives Distefano strength. Looking back, Distefano realized she had no reason to come back, only that she felt she was supposed to be there.

“I tried literally every campus ministry and can’t remember what the first Wesley worship was about,” she said. “Something felt different, and now I know that was God. I’m involved in a lot, but Wesley is the only thing that makes me sad about graduating.”

Lane remembers her enraptured in worship, never breaking eye contact and tears welling in her eyes.

“In worship, I feel like I have balloons inside my chest, like I’m expanding,” Distefano said, holding out her arms.

Distefano took a leap of faith joining Wesley, but now she’d never give it up. It’s non-negotiable, the last to go.

She may take another leap of faith going to Duke Divinity School. Since middle school, she dreamed of becoming a speech pathologist, but now she feels called to ministry.

Spurrier feels his role entails letting Distefano take the lead and then responding to that. He doesn’t know why, but he’s had a sense since Distefano’s first year when he drove her to her residence hall, Hinton James, that she would be called to ministry in some way.

“There was a mission trip I had to leave to preside over a wedding, and I got 27 messages from her with baptism questions,” Spurrier said.

He encourages her to stay curious and look into seminary.

“Ryan, man, he just doesn’t give up,” Distefano said. “It’s a good kind of nagging though because he believes in me.”

She’s grown a lot. Before college, she had to take care of herself more than others did, but she’s letting go of the reigns.

“When she came to UNC, it was about putting her backpack on, tightening the straps and forcing her way through,” Spurrier said. “Now she has the growth and maturity to be in those spaces and see how they’ve affected her.”

Distefano speaks honestly about how she gets overwhelmed and forgets to eat.

“I have to get this done then go to the hospital,” she said to Lane one afternoon in the Loft. From her tone, he could tell she felt exhausted, the I-can’t-keep-living-this-way kind. Taking care of her mother is a full-time job, but she wants to do it.

“We’re gonna sit here for a second,” Lane said. He realized everything hit her.

“I don’t think I’ve eaten today,” she said.

“Okay, well we’re gonna eat,” Lane said. “If you don’t eat here you’ll have to at the hospital, so you’re not wasting time.”

“I didn’t realize I needed to stop for a second,” Distefano said.

Now, she’s trying to embrace stillness the way she embraced action. She’s continuing to reach out. This past weekend, Wesley friends helped her move her mom’s things since she can’t afford rent.

That’s what people in Wesley do: spend their nights and weekends helping you clean, eat Cookout with you in the early morning hours, and encourage you to listen to God’s call.