Be still.

This is what I’ve started to repeat to myself in my head. As a senior in the middle of COVID-19, it’s hard to be still. I have jobs to apply for, kids I could babysit for extra money, exams to study for and emails needing my response. I’m so used to overworking myself with school and extracurriculars; I’m so used to always doing something and feeling anxious. My brain is highly confused right now. It’s searching for normal in a world that is anything but.

Be still.

As a type 3, I thrive off of succeeding, especially publicly. I motivate others. I want to improve myself, and especially feel the need to in a capitalistic society. I deeply need lots of external validation. I’m competitive and I compare myself. There’s always something I should be working on. I struggle to find my inherent worth.

But how do I succeed when I can’t plan events for my organization and get attendance numbers for my resume? Should I really motivate others to do work when self-care is especially important during this time? And how do I compare to people who already have jobs locked down when I feel like I’ve been applying into a void?

Be still.

I feel out of control. There’s so much to come that I don’t know. I’m tired of hearing the word “unprecedented,” but we really are in unprecedented times.

“Be still and know that I am God.”

Psalm 46:10 says this. Contextually, God is telling the enemy to stop fighting and telling everyone else to trust.

Sometimes Jesus can get a little sassy when people don’t trust. I find this humorous and understandable, especially after all of the amazing miracles he performed and love he shared. But when he and his disciples are in a boat and a storm knocks them around, his disciples begin to freak out. They’re terrified and call out to Jesus, asking him why he’s not doing anything.

“Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!” he replied before calming the storm.

Be still, and trust.

We are currently living in a stormy boat being knocked around, fearing for our lives, unsure of where Jesus and his power are in the midst of it all. But like I heard a pastor once say, don’t confuse absence with apathy.

Just be still and trust.

(And stay isolated inside.)